Spokane Mindful Mamas

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10/2/08

Meeting minutes 10/2/08

We had a small group this week, so the conversation was more flowing than when we have a larger group, so I know I missed writing down many thoughts. As always, comment if you remember a great tip that was given, or you have a link to add.

We began by talking about breastfeeding oversupply, and how one member’s supply is finally regulating after nearly 10 months. Most mother’s supply will regulate much earlier, but with most of our breastfeeding team away this week, we didn’t know exactly why or how this happens. Here are a few links I dug up:

• http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/html/oversupply.shtml (This has a great photo, and a situation i know all too well)
• http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/fast-letdown.html
• http://www.llli.org/FAQ/oversupply.html

Another member had a question about working at home with a small baby. Her son is 12 weeks old, and she is planning to start working at home (which will involved taking calls) this week. Most of our advice was geared towards how to cope with the inevitable moment when she would be needed both by her work and by her child, but I also found a few great articles about how to set yourself up for success:

• http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/146592/5_tips_for_the_work_at_home_parent.html
• http://www.workitmom.com/ (This is a great site for working moms in general)

We also talked about the “Childcare needed/Childcare wanted” section of our notebook that gets passed around at each meeting, and recommended she write in her information, to see if someone would be able to come by a few mornings a week and be another set of hands.

Sleep is always a hot topic with parents, and one of our members was looking for tips for dealing with night wakings in her nearly-one year old. This is a great time to link to one of my favorite parenting bloggers: Moxie, of Ask Moxie. If you haven’t yet read her philosophy, go ahead, I’ll wait. On the right hand side are a list of topics she has covered, and in just a quick click through I found the following posts under “Sleep” which I think address M’s question about L’s sudden ramping up of night waking.

• http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/08/qa-one-year-old-not-sleeping.html
• http://www.askmoxie.org/2007/10/55-week-sleep-r.html

Synopsis: Normal, developmental, it will pass, but you are not crazy for feeling overwhelmed.

And here are a few posts about early risers, which is another question from a member:

• http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/01/help-for-parent.html
• http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/06/qa-early-rising-again-and-again-and-again-and-again.html

And, while I’m linking to Moxie, here are a few of my favorite posts of hers:

• http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/11/hero_worship.html
• http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/01/breastfeeding_w.html
• And if you don’t read anything else, read this: http://www.askmoxie.org/op_ed/

This gave rise to another conversation about how to respond to children’s needs vs. their wants, and how to be compassionate to them even when they are driving you up a wall. We agreed that this is maybe one of the hardest parts of parenting, and nearly all of us struggle with this.

We also talked about how overwhelming it is to be a parent sometimes, with the need to be be on, 24/7. We talked about how easy it is to make mistakes, and how lucky we are to have the chance to learn from those mistakes and move forward, since that isn’t always the case. One member pointed out that this group is unique in that she doesn’t feel judged here for admitting her weaknesses, where as in other company she feels the need to always be super-mom.

And this is where my notes end. Do you remember what we talked about next? Comment and let me know!

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9/25/08

9/25/08 Meeting Minutes

At the beginning of this meeting, one of our leading members spoke quickly about the purpose of this group - it is not to dictate our choices, but rather to help members realize that how we parent is a choice, and one that we should be constantly aware of. Keeping the purpose of our parenting choices in mind can be powerful. Where we choose to give birth is an example - our group is not solely for those who birth at home, or at a hospital, but rather those of us who are mindful about the choice, and choose the place we are most comfortable. How we feed our children is another example - there is no requirement that you breastfeed to be a valuable member of our group, but just that you are mindful of the role of feeding in mothering. The purpose is to nourish our children, hold them, and bond with them, and for many this is breastfeeding, but if that is not an available option, bottlefeeding can promote bonding, holding, and nourishment also. Being aware of why we do what we do is powerful, and knowing what our choices are is step #1 in making a mindful decision. We are here to support each other in making these choices, knowing that there will be 10 different answers to the same question. That is the value in this group, and we hope that this is conveyed at each meeting.

And then we talked about poop. Green poop in a 6 month old, to be specific. While green poop in a newborn can be a sign of a formilk/hindmilk imbalance, we discussed that as an older child, it is more likely either something in their (or your) diet, teething, a small virus, etc. While it can be a sign of something more, it is almost never the sole symptom of a serious problem. We agreed that watching the child (are they playing normally? Are they sluggish, not wanting to eat, or excessively tired?) is more productive than watching the poop.

This week the weather reminded us that winter is inevitable, and we discussed how to winterize our children’s sleep. There were many suggestions, including:

• Jammies, sleep sacks, and socks up to their elbows (aka all the clothing options for varying temperatures)
• Naming your toddler’s blankets so that they don’t kick them off (Thanks M! This is so clever!)
• The danger in having many large blankets, either in the crib or while cosleeping. It is better to dress warmly and have a small blanket, to reduce sufforcation risks.
• Having a humidifier in your child’s room can make their sleep more comfortable if the heat is on.
• Space heaters can be used in nonmobile, or school-age, children’s rooms. It’s best not to have one in a toddler’s room, due to the risk of burns.

I asked the group how they cope with being frustrated with their toddlers, but was reminded that children of all sizes can be frustrating, including the newborns. There were many age specific suggestions (For toddlers: changing the scenery, engaging them in creative play, giving them busy work to ‘help’ you, and sending them to a friend’s were all great ideas. For smaller babies, wearing them in a sling can relax both of you, making sure you have eaten recently is key, and knowing when to put them down and go outside is not a weakness, but a strength) but across the board, we agreed that sometimes just taking a step back and asking what our priority this very minute is can be revealing. Often it is when we need to get something done that we get the most frustrated with our children, because our needs are in direct conflict with theirs. Often, when we step back and look at the situation with new eyes, we can see where our needs intersect. Many of us agreed that lowering our expectations (of ourselves, of our children, of what our homes should look like) can be a sanity saver, because it allows us to be happy with what is in front of us, instead of bitter about what is not. Having someone to call is also grounding, because there is nothing more isolating than feeling like the only parent who has ever wanted to catch the next bus to Anywhere-Where-No-One-Needs-Me. Sharing occasional meals with another family can be a benefit to everyone involved, as can helping friends clean house. The kids get to play with friends, you get some social connection, and your house gets clean. Switch off weekly, or call and offer to clean a friends house when you are having a rough day. She won’t mind.

Many parents concurred that having a sling can make your life a lot easier with a newborn, which brought up the question of whether a child can be spoiled by being held too much. Most, if not all, of us have been told this at some point, but rest assured - you can not spoil your newborn by holding him. Can a two year old be spoiled with toys and candy, and never being given boundaries? Yes. But that is a very different story from a 4 month old who has no concept of ’self’ and does not yet have the mental capacity to know you are coming back. Listen to your gut - if it’s telling you to pick up your baby, there is a reason.

This isn’t to say that by letting your child cry occasionally, you are doing anything wrong. There are plenty of valid reasons that a child cries - attending to your own needs (to eat a balanced meal, to pee alone occasionally, to have a conversation with the FedEx man) or to another child’s needs; you have to get the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, you have to run to the car in the rain, you have to create a safe place for your child by not letting them play in the knife drawer - but the fear of spoiling them should not be on your list. As your child gets older, they will be able to express their needs more easily, and you will grow more adept at learning to differentiate between a want (I want ice cream and you won’t give it to me!) and a need (I am scared of that dog across the street and need you to comfort me), even before they are verbal. Responding quickly to a child’s needs teaches them that they can trust you and that they can actually become more independent, because they know you will be there if they need you.

A few links to forward to those who warn you about “spoiling that baby”:

• http://www.fitpregnancy.com/yourbaby/271
• http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/can_you_spoil_your_baby.html
• http://www.llli.org/FAQ/spoil.html

Whew, can you tell I feel strongly about that one? As always, comment if I missed something, or you have information to add.

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9/11/08

I am admittedly playing catch up with these posts, since I have not updated on the meeting minutes in a couple weeks. As always, let me know if you have links/information to add.

9/11/08 Meeting Minutes

A member had a question about her 14 month old (happy, but technically underweight) nursling, and whether or not they should they cut back so that he eats more solids?

Most of us agreed that if they followed the advice she was given (not to nurse in the morning, evening, or before or after naps) that weaning would be right around the corner. Neither she or her toddler were ready for that, so we discussed ho to get more iron and calories into his diet, so that they could continue nursing. Some suggestions:

• Blackstrap molasses for the iron, as well as dark green veggies, and making sure her iron supplies are strong.
• For a low weight toddler, make every bite count. Add oils (Olive oil, flax oil, fish oil, coconut oil) to almost anything can bump up the good fats and calories. One member had an easy recipe she shared, which that call “Yaba”, which consists of Yogurt, Avacado, Bananas and Applesauce, all mushed together. This is rich in calories, good fats, vitamins, and is sweet enough that her toddler gobbles it up.

We also discussed the question of tooth decay in nursing toddlers. Many moms spoke up, saying that it is important to be mindful of bottles at night, but that they have been okayed to continue to nurse at night.

A couple links that clarify this question:

• http://www.breastfeed.com/expertqa/extended-nursing/will-nursing-my-toddler-cause-tooth-decay-294/
• http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

This lead to a discussion of the importance of finding a physician that you feel you can trust, and that respects that you are an important voice in your healthcare, and that of your child. We discuss this quite often actually, because as parents we feel like we are bombarded with so much information regarding our children’s health, and it’s hard to sift through to find what applies to us directly. If we feel rushed or disrespected by our health professionals, it becomes that much harder to get answers.

While we do not give out medical advice at our meetings, we do share our stories, and try to fill in the places that the medical profession can not. Physicians have their hands full with truly medical questions, so it is no wonder that they do not always have the time or capacity to take each family and guide them through questions about parenting. Unless your child has a true medical sleep problem, it’s likely that your physician will have very little training on normal sleep issues (or behavioral issues, feeding issues, etc). Physicians should not be counted on to address normal parenting issues, and that is why many of us come away disappointed when we have questions about these things.

We also discussed one member’s repeated issues with a plugged duct, and our breastfeeding team had the following advice:

• Wear lose clothes, and be mindful of where bras and other clothes could be putting pressure on your ducts.
• Some mothers have issues with tucking their shirt under their armpit while nursing, which seems convenient at the time, but can lead to a plugged duct.
• Some baby carries can also put undue pressure on your underarms and breasts.
• If you find that you are sleeping on one side and getting plugged ducts, try to find another position, or drain that breast completely before you fall asleep (pumping if neccesary).
• If you find yourself with a sore spot, and think a plugged duct may be becoming infected, drink more water than usual, and consider taking vitamin C to help heal the tissues.
• If you have repeated plugged ducts despite these guidelines, cutting excessive saturated fats in your diet has been linked to better breast health, and a lecithin suppliment may be helpful.

A member asked about eczema treatments for little ones, and was given a few tips:

• Consider changing diet, cutting out things such as wheat, diary, and corn. If you are nursing and your little one has developed eczema, cutting these things out of your diet can sometimes do wonders.
• Cutting down on baths, and using gentle (or no) soaps also is helpful. Also, oatmeal baths can be very soothing for itchy skin.
• Applying lotions at each diaper change is sometimes recommended, and there are many suggestions for what to apply. My family swears by Emu Oil, while others use vegetable glycerin and aloe, or regular old lotion.
• Sunshine can help heal skin, so winter can be the worst time for eczema, since we are all bundled up. Having naked time in sunny (well heated!) room is helpful, year round.

Breastfeeding and dealing with a low supply was discussed, and our breastfeeding team, as well as many members, rallied to empower these mothers, because often it can be so isolating when breastfeeding does not go as we had planned. Each case is different, but some advice was given:

• Stress can be a huge contributor to supply issues, so finding support can be key. Come, sit with us, unload what is on your mind, and we help where we can. Sometimes just knowing we are not alone in our struggles can turn a situation around.
• Herbal “Mothers Milk” teas can boost supply in some women, as can oatmeals and adding good fats to your diet (flax, nuts and avocados were mentioned). Goat’s root is another suppliment that was recommended.
• Domperidone was discussed, and one member’s struggles with knowing when and how to wean herself off of it, once her supply was established.

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Mindful Mamas Meeting Minutes

Oh how I do love alliteration.
Anyway, I am going to try to start keeping minutes of what we discuss at each meeting, though I have to admit it will be spotty since I am also generally chasing the toddler and the crawler. The minutes will not be verbatim, though I will try to link to resources when I can. If anyone is interested in being our ‘Secretary’ I would be happy to hand over the baton.

And considering this weeks meeting is tomorrow, I should type up what I jotted down last week!

Meeting 9/3/08

Working while breastfeeding was discussed at length.

• This is an amazing resource - it covers supply issues, how often to pump, how to work with your boss, and many other topics. If you have just 5 minutes to do some research, this is the place to start.
• Reverse cycling often happens when a breastfeeding mother goes back to work. Our mamas were split over if this is a good thing or not.
• The ultimate resource for breastfeeding moms is the La Leche League, and they have gads of resources for maintaining your breastfeeding relationship while working. If you ever have an immediate question, or would prefer to talk to a real life person, you can always contact our local chapter. You do not have to be a member to call, or to attend meetings (though many mothers do become members after they realize what an amazing resource they have found!)
• We are also going to start a “Childcare needed/Childcare offered” sheet in the notebook, so keep an eye out for that if you are interested in sharing childcare duties with a fellow Mindful Mama.

Potty learning was brought up by a member, and many of us agreed that the key is to guide, support, and encourage, not ‘train’. Children will potty learn when they are ready (developmentally and emotionally) and forcing them before they are ready can cause more problems than it is worth. Below are some guidelines, but the resounding message is that they will use the potty eventually. It’s hard to believe when you are knee deep in diapers, but look at it as a lesson in patience - if you can master it, you are better qualified to teach it to your child.

• http://www.bluesuitmom.com/family/parenting/pottytraining.html
• http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/toilet.htm

We also discussed Elimination Communication, which is covered at Diaperfreebaby.org. I personally have known a number of families who use EC at least part time. There is also a great EC forum on Mothering.com

Cosleeping is a topic that we discuss often, since sleep is a hot ticket item for parents. A show of hands showed that roughly half of our members either cosleep currently, or have in the past. A few resources on the cosleeping (or how to nighttime parent even if cosleeping is not in the cards for your family):

• Information from the University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory
• A collection of articles from Mothering.com including a guideline for sleep safety (cribs & bedsharing covered)

This spun off into a great discussion about how important it is to make decisions for your family thoughtfully. Many (Most? All?) of us fall into the gray area of parenting - we take from many parenting resources, and often, even when we think we have a decision set in stone, we find that things beyond our control (like our children!) force us to reconsider our stance. Remember that no one knows your child like you do. Use common sense, talk to friends you respect, and make a decision based on your family. This group is a wonderful place to see the range of parenting models that all work, and to find what works for you. We won’t all make the same choices, but we hope this is a place where we can learn from each other’s successes (and our mistakes!)

__

Did I miss anything? Feel free to comment or email with resources or thoughts about this week’s discussion.

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Carpooling to meetings?

Rachel emailed me this request today:

My car is going to be in the shop this Thursday. I was wondering if anyone drives down Maple or Monroe on their way up to the meetings and can give me a ride?
I’m in the Maple and Maxwell/Indiana area.

Thanks,
Rachel

If you are available, let me know and I will get you her contact information.

{Edited: Her car is fixed early, yay!}

This is also a great opportunity to open it up to the group - if you are interested in carpooling to the meetings, comment below or email me and I will try to match up people coming from the same parts of town.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend, and I’ll see you all Thursday!

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Breaking bread

What: Our first Family Potluck!

When: Saturday, Sept. 20th @ 2pm

Where: Member’s home, please contact me at {spokanemindfulmamas @ gmail . com} for address and directions

Details: Hot grill, water, ice and good company will be provided.
Your family needs to bring:
Your grillable item (meat, veggie burger, etc)
Napkins/silverware for your gang
Your drink of choice
Something to sit on
A dish to share (Salad, dessert, appetizer. Please contact if you are not sure what to bring, and label your foods with allergy concerns)

We’re excited to see you there!

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Oh Nuts!

Please be aware that one of our small members have a peanut allergy. We are asking that parents be aware of this, and do not bring snacks that contain peanuts (please read the labels and see the guide below about food additives) to meetings, since even peanut residue on hands  can be dangerous to her. We will make reminders at each meeting. Thank you!

A couple of good articles about peanut allergies:

A handy guide to what foods (and food additives) to avoid

Why is the peanut allergy on the rise?

Help school age kids understand why a peanut allergy can be harmful (PDF workbook)

Can children outgrow allergies?

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Whew, are those cobwebs covering the last entry? It’s not quite Halloween yet, so that must mean I’ve been neglecting this little blog. Keep an eye out for regular posts soon.

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Recommendations form

*Recommendations form disabled due to high spammage* I’ll try and get this cleared up soon. Thanks!

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Spokane Area Doula Training

Today at the meeting I mentioned that there will be both a birth doula and postpartum doula training this Fall, and that I would post the information I have. I hope to be able to attend both courses, and encourage you to attend as well, as we would normally need to travel across the state!

Postpartum Doula Training:

October 31, November 1 & 2.
Trainer - Ann Grauer, LCCE, FACCE, CD(DONA)
Contact MacKenzie Monroe (chic_kenz@yahoo.com, or http://www.chicsavvymamas.com) for more information.

From an email from MacKenzie:

This fall a DONA approved trainer will be coming to the Spokane area to teach a Postpartum Doula Training. As you probably know, there is a huge need for postpartum doulas in our area. I just started accepting clients last week, to gain experience, and I already have two! I think this is a wonderful opportunity for mamas in our area to learn how to come along side other mamas in the postpartum days and be able to make some money in the process.

Birth Doula Training:
Nov. 8-9, 2008 (Edit: Tammy just let me know that the location has been changed from Chewelah to here in Spokane! It will be held at the Clare Center Campus (7m south of downtown)) It will be held Saturday and Sunday 9:00-5:30.
Trainer: Tammy Ryan,CD(DONA),CCE, servanthands123@aol.com
Note: Tammy will be in Africa until Aug.13th, so if you would like a copy of the information packet & interview questions before that, please let me know and I can forward it to you. -Ivory

From email correspondence:

For the 16 hour DONA-Approved Birth Doula Workshop, we will be covering the following objectives:

* Introduction and interpretation of Penny Simkin’s research on the long-term significance of birth and Drs. Kennell and Klaus’ research on the effects of labor support and its relation to contemporary maternity care
* A description of the emotional needs of the laboring woman and hands-on techniques to meet those needs to enhance the birth experience
* Discussion of the unique needs of women during cesarean sections, VBAC or birth with abuse survivors
* Demonstration and hands-on applications of effective comfort measures and labor and birth positions
* Role-model and group role-play of workshop objectives
* Prenatal visits and postpartum concerns-including integration of the birth memory
* Ways to organize, promote and market a doula program or service
* Ideas to work with difficult variations of labor
* Breastfeeding and normal newborn appearances
This workshop is approved for the workshop requirement of the DONA International doula certification process. The workshop includes an extensive workbook.

To get the most out of the workshop, it is best to come with a working knowledge of the birth process. Although there are no prerequisites other than the interview below, you can increase your knowledge by doing any of the following: 1) Being a child-birth educator, 2) Being a midwife, 3) Being a L & D nurse, 4) Attending a 12 hour series of childbirth education at a time when you are NOT pregnant (this will also count toward certification) OR 5) Reading a good childbirth education book like Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin or The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Shelia Kitzinger.

You will also need to interview a woman who is over the age of 60 about the birth of one of her children. An interview follows the registration form below. You can bring the interview with you to the first day of class.

To learn more about certification, see www.DONA.org and look under Professional Development then Certification Overview. We will also be going over all the requirements in the class. You do not have to be a member or purchase your certification packet before you come. You will have to purchase the certification packet before you begin attending births that count toward certification but you also have to take your workshop before your births count for certification. You can purchase them later if money is tight or you will not start attending births immediately. You can purchase membership any time before you turn in your completed certification packet.

The cost for the workshop is $350. If you need to arrange for a payment plan, please let me know. Save $25 by registering before Oct. 8, 2008.